Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
