I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
