Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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