If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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