My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
