he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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