Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
