omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
