Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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