In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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