You really coming over, don't trick.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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