We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
