Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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