Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
