dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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