The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
