I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
