remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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