I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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