Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
