I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
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I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
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do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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