just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
