Don't you send me to vm
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
