i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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