i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
