I'm going to jail i love you
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
