Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
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