i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
