So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Farmville is her only friend.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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