can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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