her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
