I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just found puke in my bra..
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
