This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize