i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
