I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
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My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
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Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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