OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.