K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she told me i tasted like america
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.