somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
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let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
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I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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