Whod you bang
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
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Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
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I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again