I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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