..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.