just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival