You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
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also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.