we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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