The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
