Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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