it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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