...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
