This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
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