Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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