Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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