Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize