This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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