in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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