jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
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Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
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Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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