Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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