Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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