Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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