I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
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We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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