My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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