If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
