Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
How does one acquire holy water?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize