She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
