who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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