Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
